Prevention
by taxiphobia
Summary: Near and Mello travel back in time in an effort to prevent L's death and to kill Raito. But what if L doesn't want Raito dead? What if their relationship is more intimate than we imagined? What if Misa blows up? [Oneshot][Crack]


Summary: Near and Mello travel back in time in an effort to prevent L's death (by killing Raito). But what if L doesn't want Raito dead? What if their relationship is more intimate than we imagined? What if Misa blows up? Crack Oneshot

**Prevention**

Near and Mello watched as Yagami Raito's, or Kira's, dead body was lifted and placed on a stretcher, a white cloth over his deviously handsome face.

"So he's dead," said Mello.

"Yes," said Near. "He may have beaten L, but not us! Two heads are better than one!"

Mello eyed the pajama-boy, stupefied that _this _person always beat _him_. "You don't get out much, do you?" He asked.

"No," Near replied, bowing his head in pure SHAME. "But you know something?"

"What?"

"I will L were here to witness Kira's capture and death."

Mello's perfectly calm face returned to its regular deformity. "That's what I was going to say!"

"You're slow," Near stated.

Mello's scrunched face scrunched even more (if possible). "Well…I bet…you can't devise a way for us to bring L to the future!" he exclaimed.

"Like a time machine?" suggested Near with a raised eyebrow.

"Not 'like,' _a_ time machine!" Mello spat.

"And prevent his death?"

"I guess so!"

"I'm sure I can make one before you," said Near as he started _walking_. And Near _never_ walks.

"No! I'll beat you this time!" With that, Mello hopped on his motorcycle, and rode it into the sunset.

Near smirked. "Heh, I _always_ win."

Sure enough, the first ever time machine in the history of mankind was invented by Nate River (Near). Michael Keehl (Mello) accomplished building the _second_ time machine in the history of mankind moments after, which, to him, wasn't enough.

After many hissy fits, Mello agreed to cooperate with Near.

"I set the time machine in 2004, when our dear L was still living," Near said after pushing about a hundred of the colorful buttons on the machine.

"Do you think we'll encounter Yagami Raito?" Mello asked.

"Most likely," Near responded, motioning for Mello to follow him inside the machine.

"And how are we getting back?"

Near looked at the blondie as though he were crazy. "Go back?" he repeated. "If we can prevent L's death, what's the point of coming back? I wish to live in a happy paradise with God—I mean, L."

"Well, _unlike_ you, I have a life!"

The time machine then began to pass through numerous black holes and dimensions.

"And what if we fail?!" Mello yelled over the noise.

"Nonsense! We are geniuses!" said Near, clutching his teddy-bear tighter. "I am 99.9 sure his death will be prevented!"

Meanwhile, in the past… 

"What are you doing? Raito-kun!"

In a swift set of punches, slaps, and kicks, L and Raito were in what was referred to as 'physical violence.' The ongoing fight was several minutes long. This was a little difficult, considering the two super-geniuses were chained. In the intervals between physically fighting, the two men reasoned with each other. Misa was left confused.

"Raito-kuuuun!" screeched the Goth Lolita as she thrust her tiny frame on L's back. "Get off him, you perv!"

"I wasn't _on_ him to begin with!" The girl was shoved off.

"Misa!" yelled Raito, concerned.

"Raito-kun!" Misa yelled, her eyes sparkling.

"L!" yelled L, not sure about punching Raito with his guard down.

But Raito punched him.

More punches.

A kick.

A scream.

A yelp.

A kick/punch.

An appearance of two strangers.

Another scream.

The two men halted their fight (for the time being), their attention caught by the sudden poof of smoke. The smoke had set off the sprinklers, causing Misa's makeup to slide right off, which was why she screamed.

"Hey, is that L through the smoke? Ha, I'm so good! Right on the spot, too!"

The other voice refrained from coughing. "Near, **shut up**."

The smoke soon cleared.

"L! L! It is L!" Near (or simply the white-haired boy to Misa, Raito, and L) yelled, embracing the insomniac.

"What if it's _not_ L?" Mello asked, hands on hips.

Near reluctantly removed himself from L, but not before kissing him. L looked pretty shocked. Raito looked even _more_ shocked. Misa, having never seen gay action at all in her life, fainted.

"Dude!" Mello scolded.

"I _know_ this is L! That's Amane Misa over there." Near pointed to the fainted girl. "…And that's…Yagami Raito."

He and Mello shook their heads at the name.

"Do I know you?" innocent Raito asked.

"Yes," said Near.

"No," said Mello.

"Do _I_ know you?" repeated L, eyeing pajama-boy.

"L! I live in Wammy's House! I'm Near, the number one!" stated the boy, suddenly transformed into a puppy.

"Really?" L asked, skeptically. "They why—"

"I came from the future!" Mello slapped his forehead; so much for _not_ altering the past. "And this he-she standing beside me is Mello, Michael Keehl!"

"Why, you!" Mello said between gritted teeth, ready to strangle his eternal rival.

Near only shrugged.

Raito scratched his head. "I'm a little lost."

L turned to face him. "They _say_ they're from the future. If that is true, then they, or at least Near, wish to inform me about something or importance."

"Wow, you're good!" exclaimed Near, snapping his fingers. Strange glitters danced in his eyes.

"Well of course he is," Mello remarked under his breath.

"I—_we_ have come to prevent your death!"

L raised an eyebrow. Actually, he raised both of them. "Go on…"

"…By letting you know that Yagami Raito is KIRA!" Near threw his arms in the air, and accompanied the exclamation with maniacal laughter.

"The boy speaks the truth," Mello added.

"What? But, I—" Innocent Raito started, but what silenced by the glares of Near and Mello.

L pondered for a moment, unconsciously biting his nail off. "Raito-kun isn't Kira…currently," he concluded.

At those words, Near seized the gun in his ass-pocket, pointing it at the stunned Yagami. "Can I kill him? Can I, can I, can I?"

"Near, calm down!" Mello hissed.

"I-I can't believe you still think I'm Kira!" Raito cried once the gun was lowered. "I mean, I thought you and I…"

In the corner of the hotel suite, Misa rubbed her eyes, stretched and yawned, awakened by a certain pajama-boy's yelling. She pepped over the fallen sofa, eavesdropping upon the scene, watching the conversation unfold.

"…shared a special connection!" finished Raito

Traces of pink tinted the super-sleuth's face. "Not now, Raito-kun…" he muttered, looking down.

"Huh?" Mello thought aloud.

"I don't get it," Near said, turning to his senior. "What's going on, Mello?"

"No!" I hate it when you act like there's nothing between us! You confuse everyone!" yelled Raito, who was absolutely right. We fans need more of a clarification of the genius's relationship.

"Oh my God," murmered the two blonde people of the room.

"What? What? What?" asked Near, tugging on Mello's leather jacket.

Then, L snapped. Raito was right; who was he kidding? "Come to papa, you smexy beast!" he yelled, dragging Raito closer by the chain.

"Hell yes!"

L kissed Raito, Raito made out with L. Both men's clothes flew up in the air, both constantly struggling to be on top (the seme). Various other graphic images and actions followed and were performed

Misa's wig popped off, and she exploded.

Near was intrigued for a while, but after seeing L _naked_, he also exploded.

That left Mello. He stood there for most of the time, until he was bored. The blondie then left and visited Wammy's House, finally beating (younger) Mello in a game of ping-pong.

And with Misa dead, Rem found no reason to live and died. Raito's plan of killing L was never executed. He and L lived, screwing each other until the end of their days. They lived happily ever after.

**The End. **

**Retarded, I know. This story is pretty old, I found it rotting away in the virtual recycling bin and decided to resurrect it. Feel free to flame it. If you managed to read it this far, I presume you **_**enjoyed**_** it? If you did, please review. **

**-Taxi Phobe (short for Phobia)**


End file.
